His unspoken rule
by McWilsonluvr08
Summary: He wanted the darkness in her soul destroyed, reduced to ashes by a light he readily provided. No pairings, just a nice family oriented fic.
1. The mask is slipping

My very first NCIS story, hopefully it's well received and enjoyed. Please review, I'd love to know how active this Fandom is. I think it'd be cool to share my stories with you guys. No pairings, just a family story. Enjoy, and warning, it's a heavy story...

* * *

She hated the word perky today. Her perky? Sure! But today she was far from perky. Today...she was dying inside. The other 364 days of the year, no matter how bad she could soldier through. But today she wanted to break. Let the mask she wore more often than not slip off and shatter on the floor. Jenny never asked why she requested this specific day off every year. It was simply granted and Leon for the most part granted it was well. They knew she didn't miss work unless she absolutely had to. She loved her job, the team that much. She'd been blessed that usually there were no big cases open or they'd be solved before her requested day dawned. But this year she wasn't so lucky. This year the case was grisly. The suspect was smarter than the average fool dumb enough to break the law in their jurisdiction. Team Gibbs was hot on his tail, and it'd all be over soon enough. But not today.

Not today.

* * *

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Not even 9am and the melancholy was full force. Already people were picking up on her change in moods.

"What's wrong Abby? You're not your perky self today. Everything alright?" Tom had asked, brow furrowed in concern. The other guards agreed, echoing his concern.

_Maybe I'm too friendly._

Cringing at memories threatening to surface without permission, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand: turning on her babies. The soft hums and whirring of her comrades brought a slight smile to her face.

_Please catch him so I can go home._

* * *

By noon she wanted to scream. Tony had startled her, resulting in her nearly introducing him to her right fist. She knew he'd never hurt her, but her body rebelled regardless. The reason why nearly made her sick. Tony was still rattling off some story about Mcgee being afraid of clowns, a story she made a mental note to ask about later. She could feel his eyes on her, skillfully trying to work out what was "off" while telling a story to keep her distracted enough to overlook his covert scrutiny. People didn't give Tony nearly enough credit, he was not the idiot people made him out to be.

_Just like I'm not the person everyone makes me out to be._

Suppressing a flinch, she nodded her head and laughed when it was appropriate. She couldn't stop her eyebrow from rising when Tony went into another story, this one about an office rumor of Gibbs being afraid of chickens.

_Good one Tony. Using Gibbs as a ploy to get my undivided attention._

Facing him now, she indeed gave him her full, undivided attention. It was a fascinating story, and she sympathized with Gibbs if it was true. Chickens can be deadly. She could read Tony easily, and while his concern was obvious, the alarm was subtly rolling off of him in waves. A heavy silence filled the room and she waited. When Tony didn't speak, but simply gazed at her, she felt her skin crawl.

"DiNozzo..." She growled, patience evaporating so quickly she wondered if she ever had it to begin with. Tony apologized and after handing off the laptop went on his way. Abby was never so glad to hear the ding of the elevator.

McGee headed down about an hour later. Poor McGee. Ducky and Palmer had spent their lunch hour with her, Ducky rambling on trying to engage her and Palmer looking like he didn't know what to say. To be fair she'd grunted and nodded her way through most of Duck's usually interesting stories. It wasn't until Ducky got to the point and asked if she was all right that her mood truly flew south for the winter. Forcing the most painful smile she ever had, she told them she was fine. Just sleepy. To his credit Ducky allowed the blatant lie, Palmer...well there was a reason he wasn't a field agent. His obvious concern reflected in stuttered anecdotes of his life so far as a newlywed. By the time McGee got to her, she was through with pretending. Her best defense would be one hell of an offense.

"Gibbs didn't need to send you down to help with the laptop, I'm done. Nothing on it but the usual hinky stuff and a cell number I just sent to your email."

McGee looked confused. "Then why didn't you call Gibbs like you usually do when you've got something?"

His confusion, along with his question were genuine, and Abby smiled.

_It's nice to see someone just being...them. No long dramatic looks, no attempts to head shrink me, no sneaky attempts to gauge my mood-_

"Want me to take another look?"

Face clouding over in anger, Abby fixed him with a glare. "Are you trying to say I missed something?"

_I want you to. I want you to accuse me of being off my game._

Only Gibbs had told her that, and she admitted it about herself a few times. But the team hadn't. And she'd be damned if they started now.

"No, no. It's just Palmer said you were sleepy, thought a fresh pair of eyes couldn't hurt."

_Good one McGee, I almost believed that. You've come a long way. You're so much more than a computer geek._

Her computer beeped.

"Got a hit, Baxter turned his cell on." She quickly relayed the address and McGee rushed off.

* * *

4pm rolled around and Ziva made her appearance.

"Here is Baxter's knife, and the gun we found him with."

_At least she's to the point. I wonder if all trained killers are? Probably._

Abby signed for them. Nodding, Ziva turned to exit the lab.

"Ziva?"

The woman in question stopped. "Yes Abby?"

"Thanks."

Ziva smiled. The elevator dinged.

_To think I used to hate her..._

* * *

By 5pm with no work to distract her, the thoughts returned, reformed, and questions arose.

_I should've known better. I __**did**_ _know better. So by default is it all on me?_

The smell of beer and stale cologne mixed with sweat assaulted her nostrils.

Feeling ill, she closed her eyes. Memories played like a horror movie and paused on the worst moments.

Her skin began to crawl, and the feeling of being unclean filled her.

_Breathe Abby, breathe..._

The scent of coffee and sawdust filled the air. It chased away the offending odor, and settled pleasantly into her senses. Abby belatedly wished she could bottle it and carry it with her always. It wasn't until she heard the shake of her daily drink she realized her eyes were still closed.

* * *

_**Hours earlier. .**_** .**

"_You_ are not being honest with me. I know what you meant!" Ziva accused, pointing a finger at McGee, whose eyes widened.

"I _am _being honest! Ziva, it's not inappropriate..."

"What's not inappropriate McPerv?" Tony asked, walking up behind Ziva, who to her credit didn't flinch.

"McGee was making _dirty _little plans with his _dirty_ little mind using _dirty_ little code words." Ziva reported, looking at McGee like a hunter with a prize buck in his cross hairs. Tony grinned.

"Oh really? What kind of plans you got elf lord?" he asked, eyes lit up with anticipation.

"Like I'd tell you, now could you please go to your own desk?" McGee retorted, rolling his eyes when Tony plopped down on his desk instead.

"Oh! Do ya...do ya hear that?!" Tony asked loudly. When no one answered him, he turned back to McGee. "THAT, was the sound of you losing your only ally Probie." Turning to Ziva he gestured with his hand for her to go on.

"I heard McGee ask his lady friend what she wanted to 'play' tonight, and McGee said-"

"Uh Ziva-"

"No no McJudas you had your chance! Go on Ziva." Tony instructed, waving McGee off.

"So McGee said he only wanted to do one thing: _Bop It_." Ziva finished, laughing devilishly. McGee pinched the bridge of his nose. Tony stared blankly.

"I haven't been this disappointed since I found out my dream girl batted for the same team."

"I do not see why that would disappoint you, women are just as capable as men to play baseball-"

Tony laughed and grabbed a laptop in a bag labeled EVIDENCE. "I'll be back to explain just how wrong you are Ziva, but I gotta drop this off to Abby. Tom said she looked pretty upset this morning. I'm gonna cheer her up. A little DiNozzo charm goes a long way!" Before Ziva and McGee could argue, the elevator doors closed.

Ziva stared off into the distance for a few seconds.

"McGee?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"_Bop It_ isn't a dirty word is it."

"No Ziva. It's a game."

"It's a game...McGee?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"You value your spleen yes?"

"Uh-"

"Then the prior conversation never happened. Understand?"

"Uh-"

"I think the word you're looking for is YES McGee." Gibbs supplied, walking by with a coffee.

"Got it boss."

"Tony take the computer down to Abby?"

"Yeah...and he's back." Tony answered, strange look on his face. Ziva and Gibbs studied him.

"You okay Tony? Is it Abby?" McGee asked.

_I don't know, I don't_ **think it**_ was Abby...am I losing my touch, or is she just that hard to read? It's never been that hard before, I've read serial killers better than that._

"Hey." As if it was a shout, Tony snapped out of his inner turmoil.

"Yeah Boss."

_Please don't ask me if she's okay. I...I don't know. And you know what scares me the most? I don't think I ever did._

"Get to work. All of of you."

McGee reluctantly got to work, Ziva studied Tony a minute longer then she herself got to work. Gibbs stood. Looking at Tony, he gave his trademark _with me_ gesture and headed for autopsy. Once the elevator doors closed he hit the emergency stop button. Tony gulped. But Gibbs didn't look at him, he only stared straight ahead.

"That bad?" he asked quietly. Tony swallowed.

"Honestly Boss, I think it's worse." He'd never seen Gibbs look surprised, but he'd bet his badge that his boss indeed looked slightly surprised. And that made him feel worse.

_Because if you don't know Boss, then..._

The elevator returned to life and descended into autopsy.

* * *

Ducky had no answers yet on the third victim, and he was getting frustrated. Time to revisit the crime scene, see if they missed something. He pointedly suggested Ducky have lunch with Abby, and he hoped for results. From the both of them.

Nothing new at the scene, but he didn't expect there to be anyway. He needed to stretch his legs.

"McGee, go see if Abby needs any help with the laptop."

_While I go speak to Ducky._

To his credit, McGee nodded and headed down to the lab. Tony watched him go, and Ziva looked like she wanted to say something to her partner. They'd talk soon enough (when he was gone), and with a simple grunt of coffee he headed to autopsy.

"You've got a real loon on your hands Jethro. Baxter of course, not our dear Abigail." Ducky reported as soon as Palmer was gone from the room.

"Tell me something I don't know Duck."

_Please._

"Private Hall was killed with the same weapon as the other two, and should you find the weapon you've got a slam dunk of a case. Of course the DNA under all three victims fingernails matches Baxter as well, so it's just a matter of catching him."

_Is it wrong that I don't care right now?_

"Anything else?"

"About the case no. About Abby..." Ducky trailed off. Resisting the urge to walk to up to him, Gibbs settled with meeting his eyes.

"Duck?"

* * *

"She's never acted like that before." Tony said quietly, mostly to himself.

Before Ziva could respond, McGee called. They found Baxter. Ziva offered to take the newly discovered evidence to Abby.

_I do not know what is wrong with you dear friend, but I will grant you something I wish people had granted me when I returned from that horrible prison: normalcy._

* * *

The DNA matched, they had the smoking gun and the literal gun. Case closed.

"Go home. Vance said we could take a day tomorrow." Instead of moving, the teamlooked at the elevator. He thought that he'd have to repeat himself, but they reluctantly gathered their things. He hoped they would catch a drink together, and build each other up after current events. They gave him a look once they gathered in the elevator.

_Fix it...please._

_I will._

The doors closed, and Gibbs headed down to Forensics.

* * *

He knew how to be quiet, when to be loud, when to sit back and listen, and when to hug. But watching Abby now, back to him with her head bowed, irregular breaths the only noise in her way too quiet lab, Gibbs was at a loss. He knew she was well on her way to a panic attack, most likely already experiencing one. But there was an unfamiliar tension in the air, one that made him uncharacteristically nervous. Taking a step forward, he frowned when she didn't notice his heavy footfall. Taking a few more heavy steps, he waited. Her breathing changed, her shoulders dropped, and she turned slightly towards him. A smile spread across his face. His heart always warmed when she did that. It was a habit she'd picked up over the years, one he was sure she didn't know she developed.

_The trust you give me I would never abuse._

He shook the Cafpow slightly to get her attention.

"You really came through for me today. Good job." His gut seemed to be screaming at him to tread lightly, speak softly, and don't push. He had no problem listening to it. Better his gut than the beating of his heart, coiling in anxiety. Something just wasn't right, something important but he didn't know what.

"Thanks Gibbs." She didn't know what to else to say. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but what really scared her was she wanted to die.

"You gonna turn around?" Spoken so gently, only those who knew him understood it wasn't a question. Or a request.

Turning around, she reached for the Cafpow. Making sure to avoid contact with his hand, she brought her prize securely to her chest. Playing with the straw, she wondered if he'd leave now.

"Thanks again. You didn't have to, I was just doing my job. Nothing you wouldn't have done." If that sounded hollow to her ears she knew it must've been ten times worse for his. A slight chuckle surprised her.

"I know I don't have to. I do it because I want to." He had a point. She couldn't remember the last time he'd done something he didn't want to do. She could feel him studying her, just as Tony had done hours before, and tensed.

_I feel so alone...I'm drowning._

Her skin began to tingle, then gradually began to crawl.

"You gonna look me?"

Abby already knew the answer to that. She'd been saying it for years: the eyes were the window to the soul. What her eyes said today would change his life for the worse. No way would she look at him.

_Let me spare you a little pain, you've experienced so much already..._

"Abby?"

"What is _with_ everyone today? Everyone is acting all weird! Can't I just be slightly off ONE day without it being such a big _deal?!_" She exploded, relishing the surge of anger. It was oh so _welcome_, a breath of fresh air from the despondency pervading her soul. Any emotion but the current ones she reached out to tether to herself, a temporary salve for a wound that ran so deep she was sure it'd never go away.

_Now he'll walk away. He'll leave me to my-_

"No."

She froze. "What did you say?"

"Said no...my answer to your question."

_As long as I draw breath, you're not allowed to be anything but happy._

"Gibbs, I am not up to anything right now except going home and going to bed, okay? I'm sorry for snapping, I'm just sick of the interrogations, and-"

"Fine, no interrogation. Let's start with a simple ride home." His tone was not unfriendly, but it was clipped and a lot less gentle than it had been minutes before. Sighing, she grabbed Bert and her purse.

_I knew I shouldn't have yelled._


	2. The mask shatters

_**Author's note: **_HUGE sorry! This should have been out. I had to use parentheses for their sign language because the story is also heavy with inner dialogue. Very very sad/heavy chapter ahead, with no further delay enjoy, and I humbly thank you for reading!

* * *

He sensed she didn't want him to touch her, and if her current position of her head against the window, feigning sleep was any indication, she was not in the mood to talk. She still wouldn't look at him either.

"We're here" he announced, hopping out of the truck. "You seemed so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you and decided since my place was closer you could stay here. Vance gave us tomorrow off, gave you an additional day because you worked today."

Abby blushed at her failed attempt to pretend she was asleep, then felt anger rise first at the realization that he'd taken her to _his _house and second at her not recognizing they weren't headed in her direction. Narrowing her eyes, she followed him into the house.

"I-"

"You'd _better _ be asking where you're sleeping, not offering to take a cab." Abby wasn't stupid, and nodded. Sighing, Gibbs pointed directly above him. "Guest room is still made up from last time you were here. Extra clothes here too." Nodding again, she bid a hasty retreat.

* * *

_You'd better be headed upstairs to get washed up for dinner, not coming to ask me if you can play outside in the rain Kelly. _

A huff and the sound of feet stomping up the stairs was the only reply he got.

* * *

Shaking his head with fondness, and with a twinge of pain, he smiled. At least Abby didn't stomp up the stairs.

* * *

She had washed up, changed into her bed clothes and lay staring at the ceiling. The pain, the shame was creeping up on her again. She wondered if she'd ever feel clean again. A knock sounded.

"Abbs, you decent?" Gibbs called. Abby smiled. She realized she hadn't heard her nickname all day.

"Yeah" She called back, and Gibbs entered. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he glanced around the room. Then his gaze came to rest on his current guest.

"Do remember the promise I made you?" He asked quietly.

"You said you'd keep me safe." Abby mumbled, fingers drawing a pattern on Bert's fur. Gibbs nodded.

"Even if it's from me." he declared. Abby looked at him in alarm, but he looked away this time.

_I won't meet your gaze until you're comfortable enough to meet mine. _

"You've never been someone I needed protection against. Never." Abby said firmly, sitting up now.

A knot that he didn't even know was there loosened and he smiled. "Good to know" he remarked. She studied his face some more, then looked away again.

(_Talk to me.)_

To her credit, Abby didn't miss a beat and responded in kind with her hands.

(_Nothing to say. I'm fine._) She signed.

(You're one of the smartest people I know. Don't insult my intelligence if I've never insulted yours.)

Abby cringed. (_Sorry.)_

(_Don't be, jus_t _tell me.) Gibbs responded easily, overlooking her apologies._

(_I'd__ rather not. I'd rather try to get some sleep._) When Gibbs didn't respond, she thought for a moment he'd grant her request and leave her be.

(_I've got something to show you_.)

Without waiting for her reply, Gibbs exited the room and Abby with her curiosity piqued reluctantly followed. Once they reached their destination she couldn't help but savor the scent of sawdust. His basement was her self proclaimed sanctuary. It was the only place she ever felt truly safe. Without needing any prompting she took a seat on the bottom step. If Gibbs noticed her change in demeanor he didn't show it, focused instead on combing for something underneath his desk. It was Abby's turn to scrutinize, taking the opportunity to gauge his mindset.

_It's only fair after all..._

He didn't look any different than he usually did, though he was always a tough one to read.

"Take a picture Abbs it'll last longer." he grunted, earning a startled laugh from her.

"Are you forgetting my screen savers? I have like, a gagillion of pictures of you." She responded, purposely keeping her eyes on him. It wasn't until he stood and faced her that she looked away. For some reason that made his heart hurt.

"You know you can come to me with anything right?" He asked, heart twisting further when her glance plummeted to the floor.

"I know." She responded, voice low but sure.

_Then why won't you? Why don't you? _ He wanted to shout, not liking the feeling of helplessness pricking at the edge of his awareness. Alarms were going off in his gut but he couldn't truly place why. Her posture was slightly tense, but overall she looked at ease, relieved. He was glad for that at least. The shadows dancing across her eyes, her skittish tendencies, the outright despondency she'd projected earlier worried him. He didn't want her left alone with whatever was so obviously consuming her. He wanted the darkness destroyed, reduced to ashes by a light he readily provided.

"Do you?" he asked, taking a seat at his desk. Space seemed to be necessary today, and he made sure to respect that. Didn't mean he liked it. Ducky had once off handedly mentioned that he had adopted a very hands on approach with Abby, bypassing his usual methods of a slap or shout and settling on hugs and kisses. His friend found it fascinating, and when he found out about Kelly stopped commenting on it. Gibbs liked to think Ducky understood now. The woman sitting on his bottom step had stirred instincts in him he thought died the day he buried his family. She'd wormed her way into his heart, warming areas that had been previously cold. She'd come to mean so much to him, and after experiencing the loss of one daughter, he'd be a liar if he denied the fact that the thought of being dealt that loss again terrified him. As much as he has changed, a part of him knew he would have no qualms dishing out the same brand of justice, revenge, he had years prior. She was the greatest surprise NCIS ever gave him, and he wondered if she knew just how much she revived him. He'd do whatever was in his power for her, even if it hurt him. And the space was hurting him at the moment. Because as Ducky said, he was hands on with Abby.

Of course she knew she could come to him with anything. She knew that just as well as she knew how to breathe. On her slow days, she pondered what drew her to him so much. The conclusion she had always reached was he was safe. And though he didn't vocalize it, his love for her was unconditional. As much as she yearned for comfort he yearned to give it to her. He was her walking sanctuary. He was home. He'd never leave her, he always keep her safe, and he accepted her for who was. She loved him for that above all else. Tears filled her eyes. She could only hope she brought half as much to his life as he did to hers. Meeting his gaze, she smiled.

The air vanished from his lungs. The unabashed trust, love, knowledge, and overall faith that shone through her gaze left him speechless. She didn't shy away this time, allowing him to search her out, hoping while instinctively knowing he'd find her. He always did. She could almost feel him grasping at her sincerity, could feel his heart receiving her honesty with reverence. She followed the spirit of rule number thirty-five, reading him just as he was reading her. She inwardly smiled, finding what she knew all along. The air changed when she felt him hit a wall, the dark curtain she vowed never to open again. Flinching as if he had struck a blow, she made to lower her gaze again.

(_Let me in Abby_.) And though he spoke with his hands, she could hear the plea, feel the concern radiating off of him. She swallowed a sob. Her reserves were running low, the pain barely contained swelling to near unbearable levels. She needed to be alone, she needed to disintegrate in the atmosphere because an explosion on earth would kill her. Gibbs was standing directly in the blast zone. Her flames would consume him.

(_I can't_.) She replied, grateful her voice wasn't needed for this conversation. Gibbs raised his hands slowly.

(_Let me see Abby_.)

His eyes conveyed what he always told her with cafpows, hugs, and kisses. He yearned to comfort, he yearned to love, and he yearned to heal the one who had become so precious to him.

(_Let me see sweetheart. Please_.)

Her vision swimming with tears fighting to be shed, Abby attempted to make her last stand. She should've known he'd be ready. He was Gibbs.

"Let me in Abby." his quiet plea knocked her legs right out from under her and the wall crumbled. With a tear escaping unnoticed, the dark curtain drew back.

He cautiously entered the shattered part of her soul, taking in every emotion he encountered.

Guilt. Shame. Pain. Fear. There was another feeling he couldn't place, one that eclipsed the rest. It caused his heart to skip a beat, because he was missing something. Something that meant everything. It was a foreign feeling, one he was sure he'd never experienced. Not fully anyway.

"I shouldn't have been so careless. I knew better. I thought he..." Abby mumbled, beginning to look away. But the last piece of the puzzle fell into place anyway.

_Violation._ His world imploded.

Upon hearing his sharp intake of breath, Abby rushed to fill silence, stop whatever she felt was coming.

"I know you're disappointed in me, I know you're mad," feeling exposed, she wrapped her arms around herself. "It happened so fast...one minute he was in front of me then he grabbed me..."

His heartbeat drumming loudly in his ears, Gibbs fought to say something, anything. A cold fear had descended upon him, an icy feeling that left him shaking. He wanted to hear the rest but at the same time he wanted to pretend the whole conversation never happened. He wished he'd never asked. Because now his heart was gutted open, everything in him pouring out into such a mess on the floor that he wondered if it could ever be cleaned up.

Abby, unawares of the breakdown taking place mere feet from her, continued to ramble. "I just feel so...I can't even put it into words you know? Stupid comes to mind...I was _stupid_ wasn't I?" Looking at Gibbs, the gravity of the situation hit her. What if he confirmed what she already knew?

He couldn't fix this. And he didn't know how to tell her that. He was rooted to the chair, his gut scarily silent and his mind reeling. He cataloged himself as selfish, simply letting her ramble while he could only stare in shock.

_Oh sweetheart..._

"I just want to curl up and die. I just..." She had to fill the silence. HAD to. Because if she let the quiet linger, let the enormity of it all settle, there would be no going back. The would be nothing to go back to. Realizing Gibbs was poised to speak, she found she didn't want to hear whatever he had to say. As much as she sought comfort, she feared his condemnation above all else.

A new wave of sick terror washed over him.

_I just want to curl up and die..._

What if he hadn't insisted she stay with him tonight? What if she hadn't come to work today? His mind began to scream a rule he often quoted but the words wouldn't compute. He needed to say something. But what?

_I was stupid wasn't I?_

He could start there. He readied himself to speak, and was caught off guard when she reached for him, tearfully calling his name.

* * *

_A lifetime ago..._

A piercing cry filled the air for the third time in twenty minutes. Just wanting peace after a long day, a young Gibbs sighed. Shannon entered the room holding an obviously unhappy infant.

"I'm worried Jethro. She's not hungry, she's not sleepy, got a clean diaper, and no fever or stuffy nose. What's wrong with her?" Studying her daughter, Shannon looked two seconds away from crying herself. The infant cried on, volume and intensity increasing. The distress his daughter was in pulled at his heart. Reaching out, he cradled her closely against himself, her head resting on his shoulder while he rubbed gentle circles into her back.

"It's alright Kelly. It's alright. I'm gonna make it better I promise...I promise." He soothed, letting the world shrink until the only things in existence were him and his daughter. Sniffling, Kelly quieted down. With a small yawn, she fell asleep. Surprised, he looked to Shannon, who was grinning.

"New rule: sometimes all a girl wants, all a girl _needs..._is her daddy."

* * *

Reaching her side in an instant, he took Abby into his arms.

* * *

His words would condemn her, cement thoughts and feelings she feebly fought against. With a broken cry of his name, she reached out through her river of tears for the man she considered home.

_Please don't hate me. Don't think less of me._

Familiar arms caught her, and a stronger scent of sawdust mixed this time with the slight touch of aftershave enveloped her senses. And when the whispered "I've got ya Abbs" broke the silence she herself broke.

Yet another head called his shoulder home, and another soul sought his comforting embrace. This bundle was much bigger however. And this time he couldn't tell someone precious to him that's it's alright.

_Sometimes all a girl needs..._

"I'm here Abby." He vowed, his own tears forming. "I've got you." Cradling her as if she were made of glass, Gibbs tried with everything in him to comfort Abby, who with each whimper and sob...left him decimated. "I promise you Abby, I'm here. I'm here." The only indication Abby gave that she heard him was to burrow deeper into his chest. It hurt to cry, it hurt to breathe. She craved a reason, a reminder that being in the here and now was better than death. Because death seemed so much better than the memories that no matter what, wouldn't go away. They were a fabric that refused to fade, a song that had no ending. She couldn't deal. And she no longer wanted to. Abby felt herself go limp. The fight in her was dead.

Gibbs felt the light inside him, tenuous at best, go out like a flame exposed to the wind. As the last of his sanity slipped away in the evaporating smoke, he felt a tinge of genuine fear at the darkness, the cold that would soon follow.


	3. As the pieces fall

_Please accept my deepest apologies for the delay. Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading. Means more than you could ever know. Be blessed! _

* * *

**_If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding you like this. . ._**

* * *

She didn't know how long she lay there crying, nor did she know when she fell asleep. Her only hope, her prayer was that she could avoid the dreams. Gibbs had suffered enough in his life, she knew him well enough to know that being awakened by her screams would haunt him for the rest of his days. She never quite knew what to call them, nightmares, dreams, or memories? It was one thing to be plagued by the past when you're awake, but to relive it in your dreams with an authenticity that rivaled reality...it was a hell Abby wouldn't wish on anyone. Life granted her a reprieve, and though it was fitful, for the time being she slept with no problems. So caught up in her pain, and rightfully so, the light of NCIS was unaware of a deep, cold darkness entering her atmosphere. A darkness that had an insatiable appetite for death and revenge, along with a frightening urge to destroy anything that would stand in its way of fulfilling plans in the making. Shifting, Abby whimpered and for a second the darkness growing in Gibbs retreated.

"Shh..." he soothed, absently holding her tighter. Moving as slowly as possible, he picked up his cell phone. Pushing a few buttons, he set it back down. Abby shifted again, and this time Gibbs gave her a quick kiss on the temple. They were on his couch now, curled up in the same position they'd taken when she dropped the big news that she was adopted. "With everything in me, I will keep you safe. I promise I will." He felt a pain in his chest, an ache that with every thought and every breath grew stronger. Tears came to his eyes as his words echoed throughout the room, sounding hollow and meaningless in his ears.

_Because if I had kept you safe, we wouldn't be here in the first place..._

He'd failed. There was no protecting her now, the damage was done, and unlike a cut that needed stitches or a broken arm this wouldn't heal. A piece of her was irreparably changed, and she'd never be the same. No amount of his hugs or kisses could change that. There was nothing he could do. Absolutely nothing.

_I just want to curl up and die.._.

He ran a team of experienced agents. His file was inches thick and full of so many accomplishments he himself could take Vance's job ten times over. He still hit targets yards out that most marksmen half his age couldn't hit. Any dogfight he was in he came out on top. When he called out checkmate it was final, his victory absolute...yet at the moment he felt so utterly helpless, powerless. He had no victory, he had a loss he simply couldn't bear. And as the pain in his chest worsened, and his gut seemed to be screaming at him, he let the tears go.

_Words can't describe how sorry I am Abby..._

He hurt for her. He hurt with her. And above all else he yearned to return her to herself, make all that was wrong within her world right.

"I will." He vowed, feeling a slightly odd sensation wash over him. Feeling cold, he grabbed a blanket and draped it over them. "They'll pay for it Abby, they'll pay dearly. I'll make sure of it." A million bloody scenarios played out in his head, and his gut churned out a warning. The odd sensation returned, but stronger this time. The pain in his chest vanished. The sensation continued to seep into his very being, his soul. He offered no resistance to it, but his gut did. It struggled with the foreign yet oddly familiar feeling, and it was winning. It fought against the invader, determined to expel it and keep it out.

_Don't hate me, please don't think less of me._

The last piece of Gibbs' heart broke. The foreign feeling seemed to explode with new strength and pushed back hard. As his gut went silent, and the cold, the darkness settled into its new home he had one last lucid thought: Sanity was a luxury he could no longer afford.

* * *

"I'm telling you Tony, it _was_ Gibbs. For the hundredth time...it _was_ Gibbs. I even traced the cell to be sure." McGee huffed, shooting Ziva a _help me_ look. Tony glared at everyone in the room. Everyone being Ducky, Palmer, Ziva, and McGee.

"The _last_ time I responded to something supposedly sent by Gibbs I ended up spending most of my day cleaning up a forensics lab!" The senior field agent barked, cranky at being woken up to meet Gibbs in autopsy at 4am, on a free day off no less!

_So much for my three day weekend_.

"I imagine that this is not a prank Anthony." Ducky supplied somberly. "Jethro has a sense of humor, but not one that extends this far. And certainly not after such a harrowing case." Tony felt a sense of dread come over him. It was a feeling he'd spent the night trying to avoid, and the result was very little sleep. After falling into a fitful slumber, the text from McGee summoning him back to NCIS again put him on edge. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something wasn't right.

_In fact, something is very very wrong._

"Wait, Gibbs has a sense of humor?"

"Why don't you ask him, DiNozzo?" A distinct voice from behind him asked. Tony flinched. He could feel the slap coming.

* * *

Some miles away, sleep gave way to nightmares. A hand on her throat, being pinned to the wall, the unmistakable smell of stale beer and cigarettes, and then...

Jerking awake with a yell, Abby instantly sought out the only thing keeping her sane. When her hands met air, she struggled to make her eyes adjust to the darkness. A chill washed over her when she realized she was alone.

_He left me here. He just...left._

Feeling sick, Abby closed her eyes to combat the fresh tears threatening to break free. "I'm okay, I'm okay." She mumbled, rocking back and forth slightly. With the last bit of strength left in her, she tried to hold the broken pieces of her heart, the fabric of her sanity together. As the thoughts laid siege to her soul she could only wonder one thing.

_Why did he leave me?_

* * *

They'd been through a lot together. They were more than colleagues, they were close friends. Their respect for one another ran deep, their loyalty mutual. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had an mysterious air to him that intrigued most and scared off the rest. But Ducky knew better. Deep, so very deep down, Jethro was a broken man. Constantly hailed as the hero, the leader, as invincible, Ducky surmised that if anything Gibbs was the most vulnerable one of them all. And although he wasn't a field agent, the medical examiner fancied himself quite protective of his dear friend.

"Why don't you ask him DiNozzo?"

_Yikes. Anthony will be feeling that one for quite awhile._

"Gibbs, why are we here?" Ziva asked, abandoning her leisurely post against the wall. She'd been quiet, most likely running every scenario possible through her head in an attempt to understand what warranted a call to work at four in the morning. Whatever possibilities she'd come up with were either unsatisfactory or worrying, and that left her obviously frustrated. Usually content to wait and see, Ziva wanted answers. Now. All eyes turned to Gibbs, and Ducky felt his breath leave him. To anyone else, it was business as usual. Aloof, reserved, head smacking Gibbs. But Ducky knew better. And that knowledge was setting off every alarm he had, both personal and professional. Utter despondency, and barely restrained rage radiated off of Gibbs, and there was a...darkness to him. A dark sinister energy emanated around him, with a chill that could freeze the sun it seemed. As if sensing Ducky reading him, Gibbs met his gaze. Ducky didn't recognize the man staring at him.

"Jethro," he breathed, voice breaking slightly. "What's happened?"

* * *

Leaning over the toilet again, Abby continued to rid her stomach of the little food she'd had yesterday.

"I just...I just want to die." She whispered breathlessly. She could see every memory clearly now, and they played out with no mercy. She couldn't pretend anymore. Her mask was shattered, her sanctuary gone.

_Why did he leave me?_

* * *

Ducky felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. The man standing before him was a stranger. He didn't know this man, and the only thing his instincts could tell him was this man was dangerous. Yet this man wore the face of his closest friend. Switching his attention, he took stock of everyone following the revelation that sucked the air out of the room.

Mr. Palmer had a look of genuine sadness and righteous anger. Ziva looked shocked. She looked deeply shocked. She'd taken a step towards Gibbs, as if she expected him to tell her he was wrong, that he was mistaken. Tim wore a look nothing short of devastation. Ducky could feel the pain rolling off of the young man, and it hurt his heart. Anthony had his back slightly turned, his face shrouded in darkness.

"You sure?" Tim asked, voice tight with anger and eyes shining with unshed tears. Gibbs nodded.

_Dear God, help us all._

* * *

Whimpering in pain, Abby held her head in her hands. Memories, voices, and the feeling of being unclean. What ifs and maybes. Sadness and guilt. Biting her lip so hard it drew blood, she rose to her feet. She knew what she had to do. She knew how to make it all stop, to be at peace.

_Why did you leave me Gibbs?_

* * *

It'd taken longer than he wanted to. Traffic was a bitch as well, which made his trip home slower.

_Starting now, we are all on temporary leaves of absence. No arguments, no discussions, no bargaining. McGee, set up a safe zone for yourself. Make sure you can't be tracked, traced, or connected to anything in anyway when you use your computer or any other device. I need you to do the same for ALL of our phones. Everything goes to, through and from McGee. Ziva, I know there are a few off the grid places Mossad agents use. Make some calls and set it up. I want everything in there. The works. That'll be home base. Tony is in charge when I am not around. I'll be in touch, and the same goes for you. Once you have everything together, call me. We have work to do._

His tone offered no room or tolerance for questions. He felt disturbed by Tony's silence, but the foreign feeling in him moved and he felt nothing again. He had but one priority right now, returning to Abby. Fifteen minutes later, he made it home. The second he walked into the house his internal alarm went off.

"Abby?" he called, noticing the couch was empty. Racing upstairs, he checked the bathroom. That was empty as well. The faint smell of vomit was not lost on him.

_No no no no no no please, God no..._

Abby was gone.


	4. Shattered

He had seen many things, things that gave most people nightmares. What most called disturbing, he called business as usual. Sad business, but business nonetheless. He considered himself a calm individual, one that didn't rattle easily. Sighing deeply, the older man couldn't help but relive yet again the phone call that caused his blood to run cold.

_Ducky...she's gone._

* * *

Heart beating wildly, Gibbs took the basement stairs two at a time.

"Abby? Abby!" he called, anxiously scanning the room in vain.

_I shouldn't have left her. I never should have left her. She could be anywhere right now. And the way she spoke earlier..._

_I just want to curl up and die..._

Without a thought, he dialed a number he knew by heart.

"Jethro?"

"Ducky..." he gasped, voice full of fear. "She's _gone_."

* * *

"It's nice this time of year. Most people hate the cold but you know, I'd rather die of hypothermia than heat stroke. Besides, it's bracing! It wakes you up quicker than a CafPow!" Abby chirped, savoring the slight breeze that swept through as if it agreed with her. The silence was deafening, and she rushed to fill it. "I've totally broken rule three. But, I don't think it'll matter. Gibbs couldn't wait to get away from me. I don't blame him. I was wrong, I shouldn't have put so much on him. He's been through enough. I'm just...so _tired_ of hurting. I'm so tired of pretending. And yeah yeah I hear you, I don't have to." Struggling to keep her composure, Abby smiled. "No one ever tells it like it is like you do. I'll meet you halfway. I'll be strong for you, and I'll try my best to be okay."

Letting a tear escape, she placed a single black rose in a beautiful vase. "Oh Kate," she whispered, voice full of unshed tears, "I miss you. I'll see you again, I know I will. But...not today. Not today. I don't know what to do, or where to even begin to fix this, fix me." The wind blew again, and Abby rolled her eyes fondly.

"You're right. It begins with talking to Gibbs. Know it all. I will, but I have two more people to see first. Rest easy Kate, you'll always be my friend...my family."

* * *

"What do you mean she's gone? Slow down Jethro you're not making any sense."

"She's gone Ducky. She's not here. I don't...Dammit I should've stayed." Ducky heard the anguish in Gibbs voice, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

_If we lose Abby, we'll lose him too._

As hard as it was, Ducky firmly pushed every emotion to the back of his mind and focused on the situation in a professional manner.

_He needs me to be the rational one, the sure one this time around. And I will not fail him. I won't fail her either._

"Jethro, think carefully. Where would she go? You know her better than anyone. She's in a fragile state, so I assume she'll seek out a place she feels safe." The pause that followed was so heavy, Ducky thought that he'd been disconnected. But a small, broken voice proved him wrong.

"She'd have come here Ducky. She'd be with me."

Tears sprang to his eyes.

_Oh Jethro. You haven't failed. You're the only one that can save her, don't you see that?_

"And she _**was**_ there Jethro. That says something, perhaps everything. Right now she's reaching out, grasping for anything that will bring her comfort. I'd check her Lab first, then her apartment. She'd stick close to home. Did she day anything to indicate she'd want to hurt herself?"

Gibbs remained silent. "She said she wanted to curl up and die."

Ducky didn't miss anything. "That's understandable. That's not out of the ordinary. I mean, did she strike you as being in immediate danger of hurting herself? What does your gut say?"

Another pause. "I don't know. I don't know Ducky."

_I can't feel anything, at all..._

Alarm bells that had rang earlier sounded again. Ducky swallowed. "Well I do Jethro. It'll be alright. Check her Lab and her apartment. I'm certain you'll find her." The line went dead, which didn't surprise him. Gibbs was never one to end a call with any type of goodbye. Sighing deeply, he looked up to meet Palmer's worried gaze.

"I fear my dear boy, that things are going to get much worse before they get better."

* * *

Heading towards the bus stop, Abby felt a sense of urgency overtake her.

_Not nearly enough sleep, barely anything to eat, and the overwhelming urge to disappear apparently takes a lot out of you_. Shaking her head, she quickened her pace.

_I just want to sleep. I just want to feel safe. Why did he leave?_

She had every intention of returning home. She'd call Gibbs, or text him she was home resting and would speak to him later.

_I doubt he'd care about me leaving. The last thing he needs is me hanging around his place, a depressed wreck. No, I'll go home, and-_

So engrossed in her thoughts, she didn't notice the man blocking her way until she ran right into him.

"Got some spare change miss?" He asked, shifting from one foot to another. Though caught off guard, Abby quickly stock of the stranger.

_About 6 feet 2 inches...green eyes and brown hair. Casually dressed, and a few gang tats. Aryan brotherhood. A beggar he is not. And I doubt he needs change._

Sensing he was made, the man lunged at her. "Give me your phone and your money bitch!" He snarled, grabbing her arm. To her credit, Abby didn't panic. With as much force as she could muster, she elbowed him straight in the face, breaking his nose. Surprisingly the man didn't let go immediately, dragging her down with him as he sank to the ground. With a cry of pain induced rage, he kicked out at her as she tried to regain her footing. She was no doctor, but Abby felt her ankle roll and the burn in her side simultaneously. Falling again, her head caught the end of what she assumed was a bench and she saw stars.

"Hey! What you doing man? Leave her alone!" A voice called out, and seconds later a pair of hands helped her to her feet. "You okay miss?" the voice asked, concern evident. Disoriented, Abby whimpered an affirmative.

_I think my brain moved. Or my teeth did. Maybe both._

A laugh sounded. "I bet. You took a pretty big hit on that bench. I'm Moses. I'm real sorry I couldn't stop the fella from hurting you. He got away." Vision clearing, Abby looked up at her rescuer. A middle aged black man, with hazel colored eyes and a smile that reminded her of thanksgiving gazed kindly at her.

"Did I say that out loud?" She squeaked. The man laughed again.

"Sure did little lady. I called the cops, but he'll be long gone by the time they get here. Good old Metro Pd. Are you okay?" he asked. He had an air of calm around him, and for some reason it made Abby sad. Trying to stand, she realized her left foot was all but useless in holding her weight.

Flinching, she nodded. "I'm uh, I'm fine. Just a little sore. Thank you. Thanks for saving me Moses." Moses smiled.

"No thanks needed Abby. I doubt he'll rob anyone else after the beating you gave him." A siren sounded, and the pair turned their attention to the approaching squad car. Abby gave silent thanks that it was a rookie, not the seasoned veterans who knew of her, and most certainly would've let NCIS know what happened. Once she and Moses were finished with their statements, and she refused medical treatment, metro left.

"I wish you would've let the doc take a look at you." Moses said with concern. "Wounds left to fester often get worse with time. Same with memories."

Abby forced a smile. "I'll be fine. I've been through worse." She mumbled, waiting for the ringing in her ears to stop. She barely made it through the interview with Smith, or Johnson, or whoever. After an eternity it seemed, her bus pulled up. Moses helped her board. As he exited the bus, the same feeling of sadness washed over her, and she called out to him. "Thanks again for saving me. Be safe out there okay?"

The stranger nodded. "Same with you little lady. Don't you go getting lost in the dark." Before she could respond, the doors closed and she was on her way home.

* * *

His mind was blank, his hands were shaking, and he was so utterly lost words failed him. She wasn't home, wasn't at work, and in his mad dash to find her he'd lost his cell.

_Get it together marine._

The voice sounded eerily like Mike Franks, and it calmed him.

_Get it together,** now**._

"Yes sir." He said, standing taller.

_Failure ain't an option Probie. Got it?_

"Got it boss." Nodding, Gibbs took a breath and headed home.

_I may not be home, but I'm safe Abby. I promise you I am._

* * *

Throwing his door open, Gibbs began to look for his phone. As if taunting him, it rested innocently on his end table.

_Rule 3. Can't believe I left it here. Dammit._

Once he reached the living room, his heart stopped.

* * *

She didn't know if she was asleep or awake.

_Granted if I'm capable of coherent thought I'm obviously awake. Then again I don't really remember how I got here so..._

"Abby?" A voice whispered. The smell of sawdust filled her senses and she wanted to weep with joy. That scent chased away bad dreams. It eased fears and kept tears at bay.

**_Home_**.

"Abby?" The scent got stronger, and if she had the energy, she would've reached for him.

_Gibbs._

The couch dipped slightly, and the friction caused her to move slightly. Her left side vigorously protested. Crying out, Abby made a note to research how it was possible to see white when ones eyes were closed.

"What hurts sweetheart...Abby, talk to me." A hand ran through her hair, and paused when it encountered the cut just underneath her bangs.

_Please just kill me now. The pain is unreal._

"I...I don't know what you're saying Abby."

That gave her pause. She wasn't aware she was even trying to speak.

_(Side)_ She managed, and nearly passed out from the pain raising her arm caused.

"Okay, okay. Just lay still. I'll figure this out." Gibbs soothed, moving her arm to rest above her stomach. She felt him, gentle as possible, lift her shirt a little.

His sharp intake of breath signaled all she needed to hear.

_Must be bad._

"Yeah...it is bad sweetheart."

Abby was confused. Did Gibbs read her mind? Before she could ponder that, she heard the soft beep of a cell phone.

"Duck, it's me. I found her. Yeah...I'll need you to meet me at the hospital." He paused, as if considering something.

_He was looking for me?_

Loving hands ran through her hair and a kiss landed on her temple.

"_Always_ Abby. Always."

_Wow...was I wrong._

"Yeah Duck I'm here. Yeah. Bad. Asap." The phone beeped again, and she felt Gibbs get off the couch. "Abby? I'm taking you to the hospital. I'll do my best to not move you too much, but it's gonna hurt sweetheart. I'm sorry."

Before she could process Gibbs _apologizing_, she felt herself being lifted. Time seemed to slow down for some reason, and it was if she lost the ability to hear. What Moses said to her earlier followed her down to the depths of unconsciousness.

_**Don't you go getting lost in the dark...**_

* * *

_**Rule 3: Never be unreachable. **_

_A big heartfelt hug to every reader, you guys keep the story going. Hope you liked this chapter! _


	5. Bleeding

**Authors note: **_Never underestimate the power of kind words. You guys have no idea just how much your reviews mean to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for liking my story, you guys are awesome! To those out there struggling with mental illness or any other illness or stress, you have my support and many hugs. Life is really hard sometimes. But it's worth it! Don't give up! Thank you again for reading my story, and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! _

* * *

He'd lost Kate, Jenny, Shannon...and Kelly.

_But not Abby. Not Abby. As long as there is breath in me I won't lose her._

The scene he returned home to would haunt him for the rest of his days.

* * *

(Hours earlier)

"Abby?" he whispered, in disbelief at the turn of events. He was certain he'd let her down for the last time, that she no longer trusted him.

_And why should she? What have you done to prove yourself worthy of her trust? You've failed her enough. Had you kept your promise, she wouldn't even-_

With a firm shake of his head, and with a clenched jaw, Gibbs shut his inner monologue down before it really got started. Exhaling slowly, he focused on the only thing that mattered, the only one that held his heart in ways he never thought he'd experience again. His relief began a slow descent into concern when he realized that not only had Abby not responded to his soft call, but her breathing seemed labored. He instantly went to her and was startled by her sharp cry of pain when he sat on the couch beside her.

_What the hell? _

"What hurts sweetheart...Abby, talk to me." He'd seen her cry, be angry, even seen her terrified. But in pain like this...it tore at the very fabric of his being. Running his hand gently through her hair, he paused when he noticed a cut, a fresh cut just beneath her bangs and slightly above her eyebrow.

"Please...kill me." She whispered breathlessly, and oh how his heart broke and the darkness within him grew stronger.

"I...I don't know what you're saying Abby." He lied, refusing to believe that she was so far gone she'd ask him to end her life.

_It's the pain. It has to be the pain. Please God let it be..._

_(Side)_ She signed sloppily, and lost what little color she had to begin with as she tensed.

"Okay, okay. Just lay still. I'll figure this out." Gibbs soothed, moving her arm to rest above her stomach. Once he was sure the arm wouldn't move, he slightly lifted her shirt to examine her side. Combat and years in law enforcement taught him that her ribs were at the very least broken. Extensive bruises were beginning to make themselves known, and a cursory glance informed him of the extremely faint, but visible imprint of a size 10 boot. His vision blurred in rage.

"Bd?" Abby asked, eyes still closed. Her breathing sounded worse, and Gibbs definitely didn't miss the slurring of her words. A closer look at her head revealed yet another forming bruise along with a small lump.

"Yeah..." He breathed, "It is bad sweetheart." Refusing to waste any more time, he picked up his cell and dialed without hesitation.

It only rang once. "Duck, it's me-"

"Have you found her?" Ducky asked in a rush. The volume in his voice woke Palmer, who had fallen asleep next to a pile of textbooks.

_Poor Lad. Still trying to study even with all this going on..._

Ducky waited with baited breath.

"I found her."

Exhaling in relief, he gave Palmer a thumbs up sign. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah..." That one word put Ducky on alert again. "I'm gonna need you to meet me at the hospital."

"I thought you said she was okay?" He questioned, signaling for Palmer to fetch his car keys. Gibbs remained silent. "Do you at least want me to inform the others?" he pressed, trying to keep his frustration at bay. Gibbs needed to get his head on straight, or else. A wickedly dark storm was brewing and a house divided wouldn't stand. Gibbs needed to get it together or else they'd all be washed away. "Jethro?" Ducky called again, and heard a murmur on the other end.

"Always Abby. Always." Another murmur, and Gibbs came back on the line. "Yeah Duck I'm here."

To his credit, Ducky didn't miss a beat. "I said, did you want me to inform the others?" he asked, grabbing the jacket Palmer offered him.

"Yeah." That one word sent chills up the doctor's spine.

"That bad?" he whispered, feeling a twinge of pain in his chest.

"Bad."

"How soon-"

"Asap." The line went dead, and Ducky sighed heavily.

_And so it begins..._

* * *

He dialed without hesitation. One ring and once his old friend answered, he felt a little less alone.

"I found her." He informed Ducky, but a weak, clearly confused voice interrupted him.

"Looked...fr me?"

His heart sank.

_Do you really think that little of me? Do you believe I'd ever willingly leave you alone in the dark?_

Lovingly, he ran his fingers through her hair and gave her a tender kiss on the temple. "Always Abby. Always." Gibbs said firmly.

"Wrong." Abby whimpered, taking in another labored breath. Swallowing the emotions threatening to break free, Gibbs quickly finished his conversation with Ducky. There'd be time to lick his wounds later. He had but one priority at the moment. Rising from the couch, he considered his options. Neither were satisfactory but had to be done.

"Abby? I'm taking you to the hospital. I'll do my best to not move you too much, but it's gonna hurt sweetheart. I'm sorry."

_Yet another rule broken. Maybe it's time you stop running from the truth...you can't do this job anymore. Let alone look out for her._

Flinching, Gibbs lifted Abby as gently as possible. Tensing again, she lost all remaining color and promptly passed out. Gibbs counted his blessing and hers. At least she wasn't hurting anymore.

_At least** I'm** not hurting her anymore._

In less than a minute Gibbs was on his way to the hospital. The team was too.

* * *

She'd seen death far too much in her life. There were times she even welcomed it with open arms depending on the situation.

_Like when I was in that desert._

She was accustomed to adapting to situations, not letting her emotions get the best of her no matter the cost. Her ability to read people and scenarios was unparalleled, she was second to none. So why, standing silently in a corner of a hospital waiting room, was she so utterly lost? Why was she so confused and out of her depth?

_Nothing is as it should be._

That thought ricocheted through her soul, and she shivered.

Gibbs, their strong and often immovable leader...stood all but slumped in the other corner of the waiting room. Ducky was right in his space, whispering to him words that didn't seem to reach his ears. Gibbs was pale, and looked like he'd aged at least ten years. The energy that rolled off of him was disorienting, one moment he seemed despondent, the next he gave off a sense of eery calmness that unnerved even her. He caught her eyes briefly and it clicked into place for her.

_He has the look of death._

She wasn't surprised, after all she herself even acknowledged that Abby would always be the favorite, though she knew he loved them all deeply. But Abby...she held a place in his heart that was indescribable. She brought light to his life at a time where only darkness resided. He was alive but she gave him a reason to live, to love again in a way he thought he never would. And the light of his world was dimmed, even in danger of going out. And that shook him to the core, brought back memories and fears he thought he'd never experience again. He wanted...with _all_ he had in him, he wanted to keep that light shining to keep his world lit. But above all that he wanted revenge. And that one look told her how far he'd be willing to go.

_Even if it cost him his life and all things he held dear, he'd execute his own brand of justice._

Switching her attention, Ziva focused on McGee next. Of everyone he seemed to be strange in a way that was to their advantage. McGee also seemed...older. Ziva shook her head. No, not older...wiser. More focused. He even stood straighter, his usual slouch gone.

_More alpha._

He went right to work after Gibbs broke the news. The off the grid command center was live within hours, phones active and in everyones possession well before that. It was, in Ziva's opinion the best work McGee had ever done. But he _wasn't_ done. He was cryptic, but mentioned he was was already "on it" when it came to tracking down whoever had done this. He was firm but polite when dealing with her, and though his eyes shone with a deep pain, determination was prevalent in everything McGee did.

_Work now, cry later._

She understood. Palmer for the most part seemed okay, most likely getting support from his wife and in constant contact with Ducky. Shockingly, the one that scared her most was the man standing apart from everyone else, the man who was quick with a joke or movie reference yet ever since the news broke had yet to say a word.

_Oh Tony..._

He had no need to tell McGee anything, the two shared an unreadable look and things went into motion. Tony disappeared shortly after that, only communicating through text and often with one word answers. He wouldn't meet her eyes, and his body language made it clear he wanted no conversation. They'd all gotten the call from Ducky around the same time, and all arrived at the same time. They'd be here until Abby was released, and until they knew more of her condition. Taking stock of herself, Ziva sighed. She hated waiting. Waiting to see if Abby was okay, waiting to find out who did this, and...waiting to exact revenge. She once mentioned that she went into the desert to die, and oftentimes wondered if all of her came back. She'd always had a violent steak, but after going through so much hell, she realized that she reveled in the darker side of herself sometimes. And that side of her was slowly waking up again.

_I have no qualms with getting my soul bloody._

"Mr Gibbs?" a voice called, snapping Ziva out of her thoughts. Gibbs stiffened, and walked over to the doctor, the whole team falling in step with him without hesitation. The doctor gave them a wary look.

"We're family." Gibbs supplied, voice weary but resolute. The doctor looked wary again, but nodded.

"Ms Scuito...she's had a rough time. She's okay, but is in for a time when it comes to recovery. She's got a sprained ankle and that's the _least_ of her worries. Along with that sprained ankle she has a grade 3 concussion, and a couple of broken ribs. How she even managed to walk back to your place Mr Gibbs, I couldn't tell you."

Tony glanced sharply at Gibbs upon hearing that last sentence. "Come again?" He asked. "Why would she need to walk to your place if she was already there?"

If Gibbs was surprised by the question, he didn't show it. He returned the glare with one of his own.

"After I got back from the meeting with you guys, she was gone. I went looking for her, and when I got home...she was there. I called Ducky and brought her here."

The group took the news in silence. Tony's face clouded over in anger, an anger no one had ever seen.

"The hell is your problem?" he asked, barely contained rage in his every word. Gibbs straightened and met his gaze.

"What'd you say?" That tone offered no argument, and was without fail met with obedience. But there was an air of ominous change, an uneasy electrical energy that made everyones hair stand on end. Kindling was everywhere it seemed, and with the wrong move, one wrong word would be the deadly spark, and everything around them would ignite. They'd all be consumed by the flames.

Tony took a step towards Gibbs. "I _said_...what the hell is your problem. _Rule 15._ Abby disappears into thin air and we don't get anything, not even a courtesy call. For all you know we could've _stopped_ this from happening! We're not metro. We're not the FBI or some other agency you don't want stepping on your toes. We care about her just as much as you do. You had no right to keep us in the dark. That's bullshit." Stepping even closer to Gibbs, Tony trembled in anger. "She's just as much as a priority to me as she is to you."

Gibbs hid it as best as he could, but he recoiled as if he'd just been sucker punched. With a voice barely above a whisper, he answered Tony's claim. "The hell she is."

Nostrils flaring, Tony attempted to rush forward.

"Anthony!" Ducky yelled, grabbing his arm. McGee stepped between Gibbs and Tony. Glancing at Gibbs with a look of slight disappointment, and Tony with irritation, he sighed in exasperation.

"We don't have time for this. We're here for Abby, not to get in a pissing match." Giving his boss and colleague another scathing look, he turned his gaze back to the doctor. "I'm sorry. We're just worried. You were saying?"

Without missing a beat, the doctor continued.

"Yes. Well, the sprain is moderate, ice and rest for awhile and it will heal up fine. Her ribs are the same, it's very painful, but ice and rest and those will heal as well." He sighed. "It's the concussion I'm worried about. It's a grade 3, and she's quite confused. Is she deaf?"

Gibbs looked alarmed. "Her parents were, but she's not." All eyes returned to the doctor.

"Okay, that could explain a few things. She's not responding to any questions verbally, just with sign language. It could be that the head injury caused some memory loss, or things are just a little out of whack mentally for her right now. She's asleep at the moment, I'll know more when she's had a full night of rest. Her blood pressure was up, so I don't want to stress her too much. I recommend one person at a time to sit with her, and try not to ask too many questions at first. She'll be groggy when she wakes up, so don't let that concern you as it's normal." Seeing the look of worry cross everyones face, the doctor smiled. "As bad as it sounds, she'll be fine. Some ice, and tons of rest and she'll be fine." His pager beeped. With a nod, he was off to finish his rounds.

Ziva felt her stomach coil with anxiety as she again looked around at her colleagues. Tony marched off, snatching away from Ducky as he did so. Palmer announced he would call his wife. McGee mentioned coffee and headed to the cafeteria. Gibbs seemed to tune the whole world out as he stared out of the window, Ducky silently beside him. No one seemed to notice her staring, worrying.

_No..nothing, was as it should be._

* * *

**_Rule 15: Always work together as a team. _**


End file.
